The journey inward

Each one of us is a miracle.

Wonderfully, and individually created to be the only one of its kind in the universe.

I feel that life is a gift, an exciting and stimulating adventure. What we do with it, the extent of our happiness, depends on how we choose to look at life.

It's really never too late to change our views or adjust our thinking, and it's certainly never too early.

As my awareness expanded, and I learned more about myself, I began to realize that I am capable of changing anything I don't like about my life. I believe that all those who want to improve themselves or their lives can do so.

But it may take some work.

I've always been told that my attitude in general is extremely positive. I'm simply someone who refuses to become trapped in the negative. I never allow myself to concentrate on the bad - I look for the good in every situation. I believe that life is a learning experience, both the positive and the negative sides. Each day, we're given the opportunity to grow, to refine our thinking and better ourselves. Looking for the joy, rather than focusing on the sadness, has helped me in every area of my life.

As a result of my thinking, I have a very happy and productive existence. Even as a child I was positive in the face of hardships. I've always known in my heart that I was entitled to happiness. Never have I believed that I had to suffer, or that life couldn't be a beautiful experience. Believe me, I'm not saying that I've never been temporarily unhappy, or felt fear, loss, or excruciating emotional pain. Indeed, I have known all these sides of life intimately.

But I never permit myself to wallow in the negative or the pain.

The journey inward for me was one of the most frightening prospects in the world, because I wasn't confident that I was going to be pleased with what I'd find. After all, I was in my mid 40s and I'd successfully avoided looking back. Why then should I take the risk upsetting myself so late, I kept asking myself? I was torn between wanting to improve myself and wanting to stay where it was safe, where I was comfortable.

In addition to being afraid of what I might find out about myself. I was terrified that if I dug around inside long enough, I might discover something that could turn my entire world around. Maybe your friends won't understand the real you - that part of yourself that you seem so afraid to meet.

My inner dialogue on this issue was loud and fearfully clear. The process was an incredibly painful struggle for me at first. Pain is our teacher. Whenever a situation arises that causes anxiety, fear, or pain, I know there's a lesson to be learned. Usually it relates to something I need to understand about myself. In the past, when it seemed like destiny was leading me down the wrong roads through painful passages, I'd wonder why I was so far off the track. Then inevitably, I would find myself exactly where I needed to be to achieve my goals. Now, when I feel unanticipated pain or confusion, I look for lessons in the experience, and I realize that the pain shall pass.

Before I could better understand myself and my needs, I had to take time to investigate who I was, and why.

There were certain areas in my life that needed to be changed. For example, I wanted to be a strong woman who was capable of taking control of her life. I knew that I was not exercising any strength or control, but I was unaware of the reasons why. In order to comprehend my patterns, I had to look deep in to my past and within myself. For so many years, people had thought of me in very loving ways. The idea that I might end up altering those loving attitudes was devastating. It could mean that everything that I'd worked my entire life, to be loved and appreciated, might simply vanish.